Your Embarrassing Moments

what a paedophile was

I was about 11 and after watching the news asked my mum what a paedophile was. She fucking described not only what they do but how they do it.

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sleep with any virgins

My mother told me not so sleep with any virgins. Encouraging me to “recycle”, she said.

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homosexuals like having gerbils put into their assholes

When I was 9 I asked my dad why he was laughing so hard at that scene in Austin Powers 2, when there was a silhouette and all the guards looked in horror when a gerbil was presumably being pulled out Austin’s ass. My dad promptly told me “Son, homosexuals like having gerbils put into [...]

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a funny Swedish

When I was 16 or 17, my parents had a couple they were friends with over. The guy is Swedish (I think), around 50 or so, and started talking about how he found the culture to be different, and how that interested him. One of the things he brought up was how sex is touchier [...]

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taking care of my dad in the nursing home

When I was taking care of my dad in the nursing home, I had to clean his nuts and wipe his ass. He told me “Son, do you ever think you would see the day that you had to take care of your dad and play with his balls’”

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would you like to go say hi to the man who took your daughter’s virginity

One of my close family friends (college age) is living with the guy I lost my virginity to. We dropped him off from their airport once and my mother says to my dad: “So, would you like to go say hi to the man who took your daughter’s virginity’” Fuck you, mum.

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