Not me but my sister

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Not me but my sister:
She was walking down the high street when she spotted a pigeon. She noticed the poor pigeon had some string round it’s legs, so it couldn’t walk. My sister wanted to help this poor bird. She crept up and then dived. She caught the pigeon and tried to untie the sting. But pigeons are stupid and don’t know help when they get it: it went bizerk. The bird flapped in her face, but she refused to let go and wanted to help. By this time a crowd has gathered round. Suddenly the pigeon disappears… Everyone stood there, slightly confused. When: the pigeon pops out from between my sisters legs. Yes, it looked like she pooped a pigeon. And yes, everyone laughed. My sister then goes: “I got the chord off nice and clean!” :/ oh dear……….

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Music Appreciation class

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I was in my Music Appreciation class in college, and I had on red skinny jeans. I was just sitting in class and I got a bloody nose, and I got up and left the room because the professor was taking roll, and when I came back, he asked where I went, and I told him, so he said “At least her pants are red, the blood will just blend right in” and my guy friend pulled a tampon out of my purse and goes “Hey, I thought these protected girls against leaks!”

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No hope for human race!

No hope for human race!

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No hope for human race!

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Most embarrassing moments

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1. Bc both my parents died when I was 6 I am living with another family, which made this even more embarrassing. So, my brother, who is not really my brother, walked in on me naked once. I had just finished taking a shower and only had a sock on.

2. On a vacation I accidentally walked into the mens bathroom. I was like “WTF all you all doing! Get out”! Then I noticed the urinals, turned bright red, and ran out.

3. At a amusement waterpark there was this big slide that was tilted at like an 80 degree angle. The force of the water going down it ripped off my bikini top.

4. Bc I live in Savannah GA, I once fell into the river and had to be rescued.

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visit my aunts on my birthday

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When I turn 21, I went to visit my aunts on my birthday. They wanted to treat me to lunch as a gift. While we were at the table deciding what to order, my aunt told the waitress that it was my birthday and would like to get a cake of some sort. The waitress asked how old I was and I said “21” My aunts were like “Aww you’re that old already?!! You look like you’re still 16″ and the both of them pinched my cheeks in front of our cute waitress. My face was soo red, I couldn’t say a word. Then my aunt pulled out a camera and asked the waitress if she can take a picture of the both of them giving me a kiss on the cheek. Which I had no problem with. After she took the picture she had a big grin on her face. After we were done eating and we paid our tab the waitress say to me “You know you have something on your face” So I went to the bathroom and saw 2 big lipstick kisses on both my cheeks. I didn’t was my face cause I didn’t want to hurt my aunts feelings so I left them there. The worst part was when we got back to my aunts house and said our good bye before I got to my car my aunts kissed me once more. I did was my face the second I got home haha. I laugh about it now but I appreciate their affection now.

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My brother accidentally saw my vagina.?

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My brother accidentally saw my vagina.?
I went to the pool today since I left school early. My brother and I are really close but I’ve never seen him naked and he’s never seen me naked until just then. My bathing suit bottoms were too big. I tied the string and it must of untied in the water. We were about to leave. I got out of the water and went to dry off. I put my towel down when I was done and I was talking to him. He had a weird look on his face and I asked him what he was looking at. He said “your showing tooo much” I was thinking “what”? I looked down and my whole vagina was out. I was super embarrased. I grabbed my towel and I didn’t say a word to him for 2 hours. So I’m in my room on the computer and he comes in and ask why I’ve been avoiding him. I say “I’m not avoiding you”. Then he says “if its about hat I saw, don’t worry about it. It was awkward for me”. I’m still a little enbarrased but I don’t know. I honestly still don’t want to talk to him

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double date

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I went on a date with this cute guy my best friend thought I would like. We went on a double date to this scary movie and the guy started crying in my lap during a really scary part. I looked at my best friend and said this was the worst idea you ever had. She then set me up with this other guy a couple of years later. We went on another double date and he wound up crying on my shoulder about his ex girlfriend. After that I told my best friend to stop fixing me up.

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my first threesome

my first threesome

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So to start off, this was my first time doing many things while this happened, like sucking balls, rim jobs, eating a girl out and a three some. So this kid I used to mess with, his girlfriend asked me to have a threesome with them, I agrees so after we all got drunk, we stripped naked and went at it, I started by eating her out an he was eating me out, she was very clean on the outside and it was actually kinda fun. so then me and her boyfriend are taking turns on her and as im fingering her hes liking her clit, I take my fingers and I put them in my mouth to make them wetter … it tasted really weird and nasty so I just stopped fingering her, so after I made her come like twice we switch positions and im on top of her boyfriend while she behinds me, she starts to try to lick my butthole, it was weird because im not used to that at all and it turn her and her boyfriend on so I was like hey whatever, so then we switch again and shes on top and im behind so her boyfriend tell mes to like her asshole, I was scared because what if she didn’t wipe well so I started with my finger to make sure and she was very very cleans and I started doing that and then we switch positions again and shes sitting on my face while hes fucking me, he has a very large penis and he was going a little to hard to the point where it hurt so as im tryna push him back, I end up bitting her clit not realizing it ahaha it was kinda funny so then we switch again and hes on top of me and shes behind us and apparently he likes his butthole being tampered with, so she starts fingering her butthole while hes fucking me, we switch again and he motioned me to play with is asshole, it weirded me out because he was really hairy so I liked my finger and ran it on the outside of his buttcrack and went off to the side, as I did that, I saw brown stuff on his skin, I emmideiately got grossed out, it was on my finger… I was silently gagging so then I rubbed it all down his sheets to clean my finger and so then I started playing with his balls because I wasn’t going near his ass crack, and he keept motioning me to play with is butthole and I refused so I pretended like I was occupied with his balls. so then after were all done, me and the girlfriend go to the bathroom and she goes to wash her hands a sees that on her finger, she had poop crushed around her nail. she was like I totally have “boyfriends name”‘s poop on my finger, we started laughing and she was like don’t tell him, I don’t know how that didn’t gross her out. it was a great experience with a threesome except or that part … good thing we were drunk

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started crying

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Last night I got rather too drunk and lost my friends, then started crying.

They found me after a while and I told them many things I haven’t told any other people and didn’t want them to know and explained why I was crying (I don’t remember why now).

I presume I will be told many more embarrassing things in the coming days. Bare in mind that I am a guy…

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so many embarassing things

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Theres so many embarassing things me and my friends have done when drunk, one time about 3 of my friends saw me sat on the toilet naked, and another time my friend was in bed with his girlfriend and accidentally weed on her face

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